You Really Want To Talk?
Lets try and talk about it, come sit here
Our problems can be solved in just a short while.
You little fool, no solution is near
Now please wipe off that distasteful smile.
Indeed we know that it is just for you;
That is why you have come to us today,
Your insincerity piercing right through
In place of the words that you wish to say.
Take your halo and your blemished white doves,
We will not tolerate your ignorance
In the place of my home and ones I love,
Your “wisdom” bears no significance
When we will return to the times of old?
Restore our kingdom, the palace of gold.
I am not sure what this poem is referencing to and I really want to discuss it so that I have a better understanding. In terms of structure, I loved the rhythm of this poem! It almost feels like the beginning of the poem is from two different people's perspectives. Like I said before, I would love to discuss this more with the writer!
ReplyDelete^ I agree Leah!! Totally want to hear more. Is this a reference to the peace talks regarding Israel ("Restore our kingdom, the palace of gold"). Is this a critique of the UN? ("Take your halo and your blemished white doves"). I am so curious to find out!!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I really appreciated your attempt to make this a rhyming poem. Though this introduced a childish element to the poem, some of the rhymes really showed sophistication, especially in the second to last stanza with its harsh criticism of the white doves.
I think a way to improve the readers' understanding of the poem is to lengthen it. This will also provide more opportunity to balance out some of the weaker rhymes with stronger ones.
Great start at (another) political poem!
I definitely think this poem has a good flow and rhythm to it, but I wanted more! I am unsure of what exactly is going on in this poem and I think if it was longer it may have been explained better. In some ways I like the shorter poems but maybe if the stanzas were not as vague we would have more information to comprehend.
ReplyDeleteHi! I felt that this poem was definitely tackling a political issue! I think the most effective image of the poem is the blemished white doves, using a classic symbol of peace to represent the twisted view of peace of a political entity. If you wanted to make this poem extra pointed and direct, I think you could clarify exactly which political entities you are referring to, while remaining vague and not saying names straight out. Maybe a few more stanzas would clarify this a bit more! One thing that I enjoyed about this poem was the voice- it was sassy and sarcastic and consistent throughout. If you could maintain this voice while adding some more content and information that would be great.
ReplyDeletei LOVE this poem!! It might be because i am connecting it to something that i went through recently but i think thats a great part of this poem, that so many people can relate to it. it could be a friends or lovers or family that is fighting. i love the line “Take your halo and your blemished white doves,” because people always feel like they are the right one in the argument.
ReplyDeletethe only place im confused is when the word we is used in the line “We will not tolerate your ignorance”. who is the we here?
great job!!
I definitely appreciated your brave attempt to rhyme in this poem, and I think you did a great job in doing so! The simpleness of the form and the sarcasm in the voice compliment each other well. Good job!
ReplyDeleteInitially, I thought that the poem was referring to two people fighting, but then the last two lines made me think that this argument was on a bigger level, perhaps a political debate. Because there seems to be some general confusion about this, perhaps you could elaborate and lengthen it.