Picture Perfect Lies
This is our portrait.
In kahki’s, denim buttoned tops.
Perfectly pressed and ironed,
(G-d forbid any wrinkles should show)
(G-d forbid any wrinkles should show)
We worked hard on our spray tans
and whitening our teeth.
All to mask the truth
from creeping in to our photo.
That’s me in the middle
with glistening golden locks.
Fussing over my braids and bows.
My brothers have the bone structure
Like those of the Greek gods
Their Daddy used to look like them:
He used to stand tall. He used to be strong.
Mommy’s eyes don’t show bags,
Light footsteps tap the stairs,
Light footsteps tap the stairs,
she always comes home late.
Daddy says she’s working.
I did not know therapists
Worked until two A.M.
And since when did their offices smell
of vodka and beer?
On a quiet Autumn Sunday
While the birds sang their morning song
We sat underneath our perfect portrait
And nobody said a word.
This poem tackles a real emotion with tangible images. I think the fifth stanza in particular does a good job of undercutting the picture perfect family portrait. Maybe instead of asking us if we think it's a lie in the second line you could let us figure it out ourselves. I think the message will come out.
ReplyDeleteI thought that this was a very powerful poem that reminds the readers that you cannot “judge a book by its cover.” Not everything may be as it seems. I liked how the speaker described each person in the picture. I think that the poem would have had more impact if the reveal of it being all a lie was at the very end. I think you did a good job of helping the reader feel the emotion in the poem. Creative!
ReplyDeleteThis poem does a great job in telling the reader the point of the poem - that we can't judge a book by its cover.You did a very good job with showing and not telling, especially when you said that the brothers had bone structures like "Greek gods." I agree with Rivka in that instead of asking us if it is a lie, let us figure it out ourselves. Great job otherwise!
ReplyDeleteThis poem does a great job in telling the reader the point of the poem - that we can't judge a book by its cover.You did a very good job with showing and not telling, especially when you said that the brothers had bone structures like "Greek gods." I agree with Rivka in that instead of asking us if it is a lie, let us figure it out ourselves. Great job otherwise!
ReplyDeleteYou really succeeded at setting the cynical tone for this poem right off the bat with the sarcastic question, "Can you tell it’s a lie?". The sarcastic questions also successfully return with, "I did not know therapists Worked until two A.M. And since when did their offices smell of vodka and beer?" I like how the speaker is so direct speaking directly to the audience who the speaker knows is not familiar with the family. The speaker has a unique voice that is both sadistic and satirical. The poem tells a story, conveys emotion, and may even be viewed as a social commentary. One thing I did not understand was how they were standing underneath their perfect portrait...maybe the are posing for their perfect portrait under a tree?
ReplyDeleteHi! In this poem you did a really good job of creating an image of a family portrait in the mind's eye of the reader. I also like how the poem was from a young girl's perspective. The girl's dual nature of appearing to be neat with her hair bows but really hating them inside reflects the duality of the rest of the poem, how the portrait appears to be perfect but is really rotten.
ReplyDeleteI think that this poem could be improved by switching some of the less interesting lines for more descriptive ones. One example of this is "G-d forbid any wrinkles should show." This line seems to be a bit self explanatory and perhaps unnecessary.
The way the original picture of perfection established at the beginning is totally shattered by the speaker's tone throughout the poem is incredible. I think you successfully depicted the phrase "looks can be deceiving" in this one. In addition, I enjoyed how it seemed like the speaker was speaking directly to me and showing me the picture of her family herself. One thing I would add to this poem is a more descriptive stanza for the dad. It seems like there is more of a focus on the mom and the brothers, but maybe the dad is meant to fade into the background?
ReplyDeleteOther than that, this poem caused me to really think about what reality actually is.
-Abigail Adler
Hi! I really appreciate the many examples of "showing, not telling" that you have going on in this poem, especially with the fun "commenting" tone of the child/young adult in this poem.
ReplyDeleteI particularly liked: "All to mask the truth
from creeping in to our photo." Though the "truth" is an abstract word, you made it visual with the word "creeping."
I also liked that the mother, who is presumably cheating on her husband and therefore disrupting the normal family dynamics, is described as a therapist. This highlights the theme of deception- the picture shows a family that could seem "perfect," just as her job would seem to be that of building, and not destroying, families.
This theme of deception is further shown in the way that "daddy says she is working"- he participates in the lie, when it seems apparent that his wife is just cheating on him.
I really liked the last line, which highlights the picture's role as being the vehicle of deception: "And nobody said a word." The picture is responsible for the deception.
Great job!
Hi! I really appreciate the many examples of "showing, not telling" that you have going on in this poem, especially with the fun "commenting" tone of the child/young adult in this poem.
ReplyDeleteI particularly liked: "All to mask the truth
from creeping in to our photo." Though the "truth" is an abstract word, you made it visual with the word "creeping."
I also liked that the mother, who is presumably cheating on her husband and therefore disrupting the normal family dynamics, is described as a therapist. This highlights the theme of deception- the picture shows a family that could seem "perfect," just as her job would seem to be that of building, and not destroying, families.
This theme of deception is further shown in the way that "daddy says she is working"- he participates in the lie, when it seems apparent that his wife is just cheating on him.
I really liked the last line, which highlights the picture's role as being the vehicle of deception: "And nobody said a word." The picture is responsible for the deception.
Great job!